You Have Grown Up

-Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

-Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

-You keep more food than beer in the refrigerator.

-6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

-You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

-You watch the Weather Channel.

-Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.

-You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

-Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.

-You're the one calling the police because those @#$%!# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

-Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

-You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

-Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.

-You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

-Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

-You no longer take naps from noon till 6 pm!

-Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

-Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 am would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.

-If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for Ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

-A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.

-You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

-"I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."

-90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

-You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

-You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt. Then you forward it to a bunch of old pals and friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it and do the same.