Limericks

There was an old girl of Kilkenny
Whose usual charge was a penny.
For half of that sum
You could finger her bum;
T'was a source of amusement for many.

There was a young lady from Kew
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in,
They'll pay to get out of it too!"

There was a young man of St. John's
Who wanted to bugger the swans.
But the loyal hall porter
Said, "Pray take my daughter,
Those birds are reserved for the dons.

A Scotsman who lived on the loch
Had holes down the length of his cock.
He could get an erection,
And play a selection
Of Johann Sebastian Bach.

There once was man from Cape Horn
Who wished that he'd never been born.
He wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the end of his condom was torn.

There was an old man from Australia
Who painted his arse like a dahlia.
The colours were fine,
Likewise the design,
But the smell, alas, was a failure.