Dictionary of dating

ATTRACTION... The act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT... What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

DATING... The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL... Avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.

EASY... A term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT... A method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND... A person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE... A woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be "playing hard to get".

INTERESTING... A word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

IRRITATING HABIT... What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

LAW OF RELATIVITY... How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

NYMPHOMANIAC... A man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

SOBER... Condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.